Ain’t Banned on Transom

Banned on Transom

Intro from Jay Allison: "Ain’t Banned on Transom" was a gift from people we’ve never met. You have to understand: we couldn’t refuse it. February is Transom’s first birthday and Davy Rothbart of Found Magazine found himself compelled to send us this CD. We are pretty sure we’re grateful. No, we are. We’re grateful. Thanks, Davy, and thanks, Sweatpants, whoever you are. You ain’t banned on Transom. [Ed. Note: We know them now, and are big fans.]

The Sweatpants are:
DJ Monkey Button-Pusher….Hunter Blair
Diamond D. …………….Aaron Dennis
Popcorn Pete …………..Peter Rothbart

Ride the Ride is a South-East Michigan hip-hop collective.

Davy Rothbart is the Point Guard for FOUND Magazine.

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  • Jay Allison

    2.28.02

    Reply
    Ain’t Banned On Transom – Advisory

    This program contains language and content that is bound to be unsuitable for some listeners, perhaps the older ones. Or the younger ones. We’re not sure. It is a parody. Try to relax. It’ll be okay.

    We considered adding beep tones, but first, one must decide what is the truly offensive part of the word. Does one prefer Fick or Fugg? Is one more offended by vowels or consonants? Second, it is time-consuming to apply beep tones and it is more important for us to spend time with our children, teaching them proper values. We simply ask that you imagine beep tones, if you prefer them. Thank you.

    "Ain’t Banned on Transom" was a gift from people we’ve never met. You have to understand: we couldn’t refuse it. February is Transom’s first birthday and Davy Rothbart of Found Magazine found himself compelled to send us this CD. We are pretty sure we’re grateful. No, we are. We’re grateful. Thanks, Davy, and thanks, Sweatpants, whoever you are. You ain’t banned on Transom.

  • Jay Allison

    2.28.02

    Reply
    The Lyrics – Verse One

    Users supply their own censorship. We suggest "fick" or "fugg". For other potentially offensive words or concepts, such as “elastic,” we suggest you substitute the word, “unmentionable.” Thank you.

    ay, is this on? we on the air? BP, turn me up in the headphonez?
    ha-HA, MC davy, got my sweatpants on
    up in here with popcorn pete and DJ monkey button-pusher

    ay popcorn, i’ll tell you what though,
    life ain’t easy for independent radio producers

    –bet.

    i’m tryin a do my thang, right,
    but motherfuckahz got me black-listed, they ain’t havin my shit

    –thas’ fucked up, man, thas’ fucked up

    I swear to gawd, man, i feel like i’m banned

    –sheee-it

    fuck it, pass me that microphone, i gotta get some shit off my chest

    verse 1:

    davy’s down with the Sweatpants
    now every single bitch want a sex-dance
    Popcorn is smooth, word to mother
    let’s check out some shit that exploits the brother:

    everybody say they wanna hear new voices, but ain’t no-one rejoicin,
    ‘cuz y’all program directors who be drivin’ Rolls Royces
    get scared, and go ahead and make the same choices
    triflin’ motherfuckazz say they don’t like my stories
    cuz i’m from south-East i should sit home drinkin forties?
    i-ight then fuck it, let’s hit the bar dog
    you know i gets mo’ ho’s than them bros on Car Talk

    I ain’t tryna be dissin
    but i’m a show em what they missin–
    I kick potent poetry like norman fuckin corwin
    fuck more white bitches than 10 fuckin mormons
    lyrical george foreman, i rhyme so good and important
    MC’s rip off my lines like hood ornaments

    i’m like Helena Marie, i rock the mic when it’s hurtin,
    ypsilanti rushdie, satanic verses keep lurkin
    blowin up the airwaves like chelsea merz did
    not enuf fuckin bleeps to bleep out my cursin’
    you know i kick crazy shit like chuck fuckin person
    keep flowin an flowin an flowin til my lungs is burstin
    see my mentals is fucked up like tyler fuckin durden
    if you listen to these words, ain’t certain what you got immersed in

    CHORUS:
    i’m banned everywhere i go
    ain’t go no home on the radio
    born to shiver all night in the freezing cold
    all i’ve ever wanted is to make it on the show

    I been thrown off buses, thrown outta cars
    thrown outta schools, thrown outta bars
    try to speak to ya but ya don’t understand me
    I got somethin to say but all you wanna do is ban me

    I don’t know what to do popcorn
    motherfuckaz at the bottom end of the dial too high-class for us

    –bust another rhyme then

    hold on, let me hit this, heh ha
    i’m paul tougher than leather,
    this is My motherfuckin open letter,
    damn, let me hit that again

  • Jay Allison

    2.28.02

    Reply
    The Lyrics – Verse Two

    fantastic herb got me blasted
    who needs a bag, i take cash or plastic
    I’m on the fringe like larry fuckin massett
    must be telepathic cuz i rhyme eyes closed buried in traffic
    don’t mess with these orgasmic lyrical gymnastics
    alex chadwick raised the bar but you know that i surpassed it
    don’t mean to sound obscene but my dick is elastic
    catholic schoolgirls run and scream when i flash it
    (i am living in sin)
    when i drink i cause static cuz you know i’m stillmatic
    much love to nas, mic addict like big koz is
    damn straight i got a big fuckin schnozzes
    and i’ll light up yo attic cuz i’m half shel silverstein, half craig hodges

    flowin straight off the dome
    in yo’ grill like jim rome
    I ain’t never had a home,
    lyrical rollin’ stone, i gathers no moss
    ain’t got no boss, rap albatross, rhyme for low cost
    like the skinny boss hawg of charing cross
    go ahead an’ ban me, i promise it’s yo’ loss!

    CHORUS:
    i’m banned everywhere i go
    ain’t go no home on the radio
    born to shiver all night in the freezing cold
    all i’ve ever wanted is to make it on the show

    I been thrown off buses, thrown outta cars
    thrown outta schools, thrown outta from bars
    try to speak to ya but ya don’t understand me
    I got somethin to say but all you wanna do is ban me

  • Jay Allison

    2.28.02

    Reply
    The Lyrics – Verse Three

    don’t step to this, you’ll get dissed and dismissed
    i’m drunk off whiskey an’ swiss-miss
    more gifts on the mic than santa claus on christmas
    ho ho ho, my lyrics slice up your ears like vincent van gogh
    but oh no no, i need some mo’ dough
    so po’ and broke now
    i’m livin’ in the basement of my folks’ house

    rap virtuoso,
    i’m like terri gross, but muy peligroso
    un poco loco, i rip rhymes and sell dimes from the south bronx to soho
    goin postal on the mic, from coast to coast, yo
    when i’m toasted, my technique is incredible
    don’t mean to boast at so many decibels
    but you know i clock ho’s at the 3rd coast festival
    the state of NPR is unacceptable
    I ain’t just testin’ ya, i’m askin’ for some Change–

    like 10 cents, 35 cents, c’mon man, i’m tryin a get the bus out to ypsi —

    CHORUS:
    i’m banned everywhere i go
    ain’t go no home on the radio
    born to shiver all night in the freezing cold
    all i’ve ever wanted is to make it on the show

    I been thrown off buses, thrown outta cars
    thrown outta schools, eighty-sixed from bars
    try to speak to ya but ya don’t understand me
    I got somethin to say but all you wanna do is ban me

    ay popcorn, you hear a this thing Transom

    –Transom? bet.

    check it out, they took me in, took me in from the cold.
    they be-lieve in me dog, they believe in people.
    man, woodward an’ bernstein got nothin on woodward an’ lewis

    — so whatcha gonna do now davy?

    popcorn, let me tell you

  • Jay Allison

    2.28.02

    Reply
    The Lyrics – Verse Four

    i’m a roam the world wit’ a mic and a recorder
    from portland, maine, to gainesville, florida
    like a staff reporter for the new world order
    half too short, and half cole porter
    but oh Lordy, you won’t find me holdin court in barnes + nobles or borders
    too busy alone in bed wit’ yo daughters
    or smashin pay phones and swipin’ the quarters
    fuck the arts-funding shortage, dang
    crime pays me from battle creek to portage, mayn
    got so much game i’m like that play Fame
    half john walker lindh, half john coltrane
    (i am living in sin)

    it’s true, brushes with the law in my past
    but i’ll be sellin’ grass til the last gasp
    cuz issa fact, now that i’m makin fat cash
    I get more fuckin ass
    than ira fuckin glass — damn!
    7 years on the lam
    makin punk MC’s look like the fat dude in space jam

    it’s like this homey, i grab the mic and get fools dancin
    if you don’t know me, think 5’10‰ and handsome
    half jay allison, half marilyn manson
    6 warm beers got my keyboard keys clackin
    I writes more shit than jonathan franzen
    I get more cheers than ted fuckin danson
    and more fuckin skins than that little shit in hanson
    i’ll sign wit’ a label, my rhymes is so entrancin,
    I got more rap fables than hans christian andersen
    these songs is worth 10 king’s ransoms
    and they so damn random, but still ain’t banned on transom

    thas’ right! davy and the sweatpants, boyeeeee!
    much love to all them fools at transom
    I smoke bowls from ypsilanti to woods hole
    viki merrick (where you at), barrett golding (where you at)
    kitchen sistazz (hoo-dee-hoo), bill mckibben (hoo-dee-hoo)
    my dog josh t. barlow smoke endo by the carload
    word to jeff towne, the man with def soundz
    go Transom, go transom, it’s your birthday, it’s your birthday!

    shouts out all over the fuckin place–

    the T.A.L. crew — julie, alex, starlee, jonathan and wendy,
    diane, and my main O.G., todd mothafuckin B

    dave isay + the sound portraits possay — mike motherfuckin Hsu!

    all my true fuckin G’s livin the life at ‘BEZ
    julie shapiro whut-whut

    FMU (brian turner), BUR (nate dimeo)
    KCRW, UOM, EMU, DET, WCBN

    monkey button-pusher, go on light that blunt up, we gon’ go pick todd mundt up

    del rio 6! (tim-pat, mike D.)
    deep spring center! (what up aaron)
    21 balloons! (21! 21!)
    Found Magazine!
    south-east ann arbor
    south-east GR, south-east D.C.
    aaron dennis
    listen up, dont need no voodoo, you too can write shit
    like boo-zoo friedman, (reprezint 4 cleveland)
    wolve an’ apparition
    rise against
    dr.wix
    curious few
    ay, catch me at the tittie bar, chillin wit’ public radio’s rising star, jonathan menjivar
    mc escher + tim-dogg, jesse P.
    bay area playaz
    illadelph
    the whole NYC
    ypsilanti, ypsilanti where you at??
    ypsilanti (ha HA) ypsilanti where ya at?

  • Turbo Biscuit

    2.28.02

    Reply
    $#&@@@#!!!??!

    Dear Mr. Allison. You offer the following:

    "Users supply their own censorship. We suggest "fick" or "fugg". Thank you. "

    How the FIF could you overlook the favored swear word alternative among those who hang out at the lower end of the dial? Please consider offering FIF for future censoring endeavors.

    Kind regards,
    Turbo "no carbo-loading-in-my-presence-please" Biscuit

  • Jay Allison

    2.28.02

    Reply
    Fif

    "Fif" represents replacement of both a vowel and two consonants, which we at Transom feel is excessive, and inconsistent with our respect for the open-mindedness of the public radio Internet audience.

  • Transom Gumby

    2.28.02

    Reply
    banned from anthem

    Salutations Davy Rothbart and The Sweatpants,

    I quite enjoy your tune–it sure sent me into a paroxysm of laughter but then those laughs turned to tears. I read the lyrics over and did a search– with confidence I can point out that l was not mentioned in your wrap. Oh mercy, I hope this isn’t a discreet way of handing me my pink slip. You know how us sensitive radio mascots are though. Come to think of it– I’m not on the masthead either–I promise to bring home made
    crumb cake to the next staff meeting.

    Yours, Transom Gumby

  • beedge

    3.01.02

    Reply
    it’s barrett muthafuqn golding to you, punks

    eagerly awaiting the radio-friendly clean version
    so i can get this bad muthafucca on the air pronto.

    that chorus sets its hooks so deep
    you’ll need vice-grips to tear ’em outta your flesh.

  • Jeff Towne

    3.05.02

    Reply
    yo yo yo, props to the funkymonkeybuttonpushinposse

    I’m…just….so… touched. I’ve never had such a fine shout-out out-shouted my way. I’m humbled.

    And i’m with barrett, but I’m not waiting, the full version is going on Echoes tomorrow: 170 stations, coast-to-coast, nestled right in between the Native American Flutes of R. Carlos Nakai, and the soothing cello of David Darling.

    OK, maybe not.

    But if I COULD!!!!

    BTW, I have to concurr with Jay about obscenity substitution: "FIF" is just entirely excessive, involving two dental friccatives, notoriously hard to edit by eye, so, as i count it, it would take approximately 476 editing hours to get throught he first verse, even after careful study of all the tools columns. So my tech advice it to just say FIF it, and leave it alone.

    OK, gotta go and make loops of this for my answering machine message.

  • Paul Harvey

    3.05.02

    Reply
    Yo,yo

    Breath held ransom
    By Not Banned on Transom
    …..Will it fly in Branson?

  • larry massett

    3.05.02

    Reply
    lyrics

    Has anyone else noticed the lyrics can be sung to the tune of "Un bel di vedremo" from Madame Butterly. Not a perfect fit, but it makes it easier to remember the words

  • Anne Chm

    4.19.02

    Reply
    Ain’t Banned on Transom

    If someone gave you dirt would you eat it? I’d perfer to grow vegetables in the dirt and eat them. I have time to listen to a bird song….I do not have the time or the desire to pollute my life with this tripe.

  • beedge

    4.19.02

    Reply
    I Like Tripe…

    …especially as prepared by Sweatpants.

    Delicious tripe recipes:

  • Jerry

    5.15.02

    Reply
    I Agree!

    Right on!

  • Anne Chm

    5.21.02

    Reply
    Hannibal Complex

    Beedge, What have you started? You can’t have your tripe and eat it, too.

  • Jay Allison

    9.10.12

    Reply

    Ten years later: Davy’s book, My Heart is an Idiot, is wonderful, and you should check this tour schedule and intersect with it: http://www.myheartisanidiotbook.com/tour/

  • Jay Allison

    11.05.14

    Reply

    You need to see the documentary Davy co-directed: http://medorafilm.com

  • Jed

    11.16.14

    Reply

    I am so glad rap is over. Only NPR people still think it is cool.

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