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August 1st, 2003 | Approaches to Self
For this Transom SHOW, we’re featuring a few short pieces that have come in to us — a dinner made from hors d’oeuvres — all of them filtering experience through the self.
 Short Self Portraits Produced by Monika Mueller |
 The Catsitter Produced by Ochen K. |
 Dangling Woman Produced by Susan B. Price |
Who are most of your stories about? Judging from Transom submissions, they’re about YOU.
Of course, they’re also about your intersection with the world, the things you know that we don’t, or the things we need to recognize about ourselves in you.
Stories in the first-person can have an energy born of the authority to tell. They also can be awfully tedious. They can be a refreshing antidote to wallpaper journalism. They can be indulgent and callow.
For this Transom SHOW, we’re featuring a few short pieces that have come in to us — a dinner made from hors d’oeuvres — all of them filtering experience through the self.
Compare and Contrast.
I have known Monika Muller and her radio stories featured on KPFK in Los Angeles (among other broadcasts) for some time, and I am a big fan. I was delighted to run into some of her work on Transom.org. I hope to hear more! Monica is a truly independent voice and has great ideas for radio journalism. It is frustrating that she does not have her own show on the air!
Moni Fan
Dangling Woman is brilliant!
and needed.
the writing is rich. I wish I had a transcript.
(and I can’t help but make associations with Sarah Chayes’ s efforts over in the Guest Corner.)
Dangling Women – The Series
or
Dangling Woman : The Comic Book Superhero
Sure to be at least a cult classic! please!
Hi there,
I know Monika for thirteen years now, when we worked together at a german radio station. She is really extraordinary… blessed with an extraordinary sense of humor (even if I don`t understand it sometimes:-),
an extraordinary own style and an extraordinary patience to go her own way.
I like three about me, because the punchline always comes at the end and to me it was like ahhhhh that’s what it’s all about. It made me smile.
(And quite good singing by the way
Birgit Abrameit frome Buxtehude, Germany
But does that mean listening to all three with each and every other in mind?
Monika, you are the first of this group I have listened to — maybe part of Transom’s outreach to international, non-English-speaking-native climes — and I was struck by a couple of things. One is how you would have responded to the Most German Day Ever (right here on the Transom dial), how you would compare notes with Sarah Chayes in living in a foreign land.
And then there’s a third: not working in your native language. You have a history in radio — how do you respond to your voice in another language? Do you find yourself assuming a different persona in English? If a nice boy from Frankfurt (for example) had asked you back in Germany where you were from, would you have pfilpped? And what would you have done if he, having learned you speak English, had broken into a Frankfurter version of Elvis singing Heartbreak Hotel to impress you?
It feels at times as if Ochen isn’t there. Sure, it would have been nice to hear the cat snore — maybe to hear you talking to the cat as you drove him/her/it to drool, with a little scronching noise.
And while you mention TAL and others as provocateurs that drove you to Transom, there is a sense here that you are merely serving as a kind of conduit that allows listeners to experience a particular event.
The only problem? I want to hear the event — the cat snore, the cat drool. The music is fine — though you might have considered Leroy Anderson’s orchestral portrayal of the cat (he is the guy who wrote the music that everyone plays when they turn to listeners’ letters).
In other words, we need more cat here. This may be three about me, but all three (well, at least, the two I have heard so far) are anchoring perceptions of themselves in light of things/elements/characters outside their own skin.
or is it canape?
Susan, you were right. There is an allure in the link between the small, personal happenstance and the grand social mechanism.
And so much is there. You might have described Gulliver in the land of the Lulliputians (the tight rope walkers and the acrobats) — the first exemplum of how bureaucracy is really a function of gymnastics.
I wonder about breaking the story of the demarche between the trees in the canopy into two parts. There’s the setup, the break to your working life, the hand-by-hand dragging to the next stage.
The normal end-of-story thing is to get where you’re going. The story here, and in your workplace, is that you are really getting nowhere. The point in this tale is not getting across to the other tree; the point is that regardless of the forces that surround you, other forces leave you trapped in between, neither here nor there.
Of course you got to the other end — we wouldn’t be hearing your story otherwise. But it was the hanging there in midair that really sets the story in motion. It’s the bureaucratic incapacity to respond to its own inadequacies that leaves you hanging there.
Thanks for the feedback.
"It feels at times as if Ochen isn’t there."
Do you mean that Ochen the subject is divorced from Ochen the storyteller? I can see that. While it wasn’t an explicit self-selected direction, I can see why I may have gone there. The value in the story, to me, isn’t in the acts described, but rather the effect those acts have on my own understanding of my own context. The emotional experience of the act itself is small, so It feels right to edit it from the piece.
"Sure, it would have been nice to hear the cat snore — maybe to hear you talking to the cat as you drove him/her/it to drool, with a little scronching noise."
This may have just been a face-the-facts choice. This was my first experience, and my general m.o. is that if an option seriously jeopardizes the project, strike the option. If I choose to wait till I could get those ambient elements, the project probably wouldn’t have happened.
"And while you mention TAL and others as provocateurs that drove you to Transom, there is a sense here that you are merely serving as a kind of conduit that allows listeners to experience a particular event."
That sounds fine to me. My intention was to present a story, and my ‘larger’ take on the story. An admittedly humble goal, but humble isn’t bad.
"The only problem? I want to hear the event — the cat snore, the cat drool."
Maybe I’ll add a companion website with extra ‘web-only’ content of amplified cat drool.
"The music is fine — though you might have considered Leroy Anderson’s orchestral portrayal of the cat (he is the guy who wrote the music that everyone plays when they turn to listeners’ letters)."
I chose the music because of its rolling, sleepy quality to help develop the sense of a quiet afternoon with a cat. Those are ‘thinking’ moments for me, so it works (for me) to both set the scene and the conclusion. I should say that the music is from Live From a Shark Cage by Papa M. I forgot to add that to the tech info.
In other words, we need more cat here. This may be three about me, but all three (well, at least, the two I have heard so far) are anchoring perceptions of themselves in light of things/elements/characters outside their own skin."
I think that’s how people come to understand themselves. Experience something outside of yourself, react to it, internalize or reject, and move on. That’s ultimately what this story is for me; the event, the reaction, and the incorporation.
Thanks again for the feedback.
Ochen K.
I actually moved back to Germany (6 months ago) and was pretty surprised to find Brendan Greeleys piece on Transom. It was like a rediscovery of German quirkiness for me ( I haven’t lived here in 10 years) and on the other hand I could relate to many things. I have a grandmother that used to knit 60 pairs of socks for Christmas. It’s hard to find a girl or woman in Germany who can’t knit. I am delighted that Brendan feels Germans do have a sense of humor. It seemed that he has really good friends in Deutschland. I don’t think I really can compare notes with Sarah Chayes, since she has chosen a way more challenging life abroad. I admire her boldness. I think it’s a different story whether you move from Germany to the US, or from the US to Afghanistan. I see a parallel when she wrote how a lot of people need to cleave to some place or geographic identity and she doesn’t. My first little piece you heard is about my frustrations working in the service industry and I am impatient, because I had to deal with all these people and I heard the same questions over and over..that’s why I am upset. In other words I don’t scream every time someone asks me where I am from. I enjoy working in English, it is like taking on another personality therefore I feel more open and I am more likely to experiment. I don’t quite understand the Frankfurter singing Heartbreak Hotel? So long Monika
Monika:
It is a curious thing about America — practically none of us learn a second language (let alone a third), but we like to see ourselves as being adept at identifying accents. For example, you wouldn’t know it to hear, but our president was actually born in New England and spent many of his formative years there.
As for the Heartbreak Hotel thing, I was being far too oblique.
Last Wednesday was my son Micah’s first day of kindergarten, and while it was hard it seemed to go ok. After telling me a bit about it he was happily playing in the other room with his castle and knights when I began browsing Transom. I started to play Monika’s first story from Three about Me, when it got very quiet in the other room, and all of a sudden Micah was on my lap, listening intently. When the story ended he said "I want more" so I played the next one, and the one about the cat sitter, and then the dangling woman. This five year old boy sat transfixed listening, looking at the pictures on the site, asking questions, and mostly asking for more. During the story about dangling in the rainforest, he asked if she died, if she ever got to the other side, and said that he never wanted to go to the rainforest because it is too noisy. We browsed other shows, and he liked the picture of the opossum so we listened to that story (he wanted to know if anyone was dead in that one, but we didn’t have time to listen to the end — he had a playdate).
It was wonderful to listen with him, to see him concentrate not on a flashing computer game but on the sound of voices, telling stories. Thanks for this wonderful site! I know we will become regular visitors now that we have a computer in the kitchen with speakers so we can enter these new worlds.
Oh my, three different stories crammed into the same thread. And the first one has three clips? Oh, Jay Allison, why do you make war upon the people with no memory? What have we done to deserve this? Well, I’ll fight fire with fire by responding to all three in the same post. Take that! Ok, then, after copious note-taking and going back over and over and over trying to get these things straight:
Monika Mueller: I like all three lists. It seems like lists are growing in popularity all the time, from McSweeney’s to books like Benjamin Schott’s The Order of Things… even Amazon’s "Listmania" and NPR’s overhyped Top 100 Songs of the 20th Century. Lists lists lists. At their worst, they’re a integral part of marketing, either as promotion themselves (Blackwell’s worst dressed, Amazon’s "Listmania") or as an index, rating the marketing (Neilson’s, box office revenue). When mediocre, they’re used as a cheap gag– an easily tossed off joke (Letterman) or quick way to fill space (cover to cover of Entertainment Weekly). At their best, they reveal more about the list writer than is easily conveyed through traditional means. These lists are good. They’re damned good. My only question is, in clip #2, did you say that these are bands that you haven’t seen in the last week? It’s not exactly clear to my ears.
Ochen K.: To me, when your story meanders off to explain the island’s backstory, I meander off, too, but in my own direction… which happens to be the Rams game playing silently on the tv next to me. So, I did a little playing around. I restarted the story at the 1:03 mark, where you start the story about the island, and played it until the 2:20 mark, where you finish talking about the island and say, "all of this is to say…". I cut off that sentence midstream and move back to the beginning, 0:00 "About once a month…". Then I cut out again at 0:55 (right after you compare Boris’ drool with that of a dog) and move back up to 2:21 ("our neighbors, the ones that I catsit for, have a big…") and play it out to the end. It’s not perfect, but I prefer it because it keeps me moving along with the story.
Susan B. Price: Oh! This was good! When I saw the story heading off into metaphor land, I cringed. Not because of your story, but I’ve seen and heard metaphors stretched and abused so badly before. So many, "And when I saw that car coming at me, I knew that this was the melted ice cream in the refrigerator all over again!"… but your usage was really, really good. Perfect, even. It was like that time the delivery guy messed up and brought me pizza and wings when I was only expecting a salad. Or, like that other time…
Monika: Neat. I know there’s a more descriptive, profound word to use, but my command of English can fail me when it comes to reactions, and it’s my first and only language. This speaks of a crisis of ethno-centricism, but that’s another topic…or is it? I enjoyed the brevity, but fear the modern movement towards it. Shorter! shorter! I keep hearing, "Make 9min into 4min and we’ll talk." But you’ve inspired me that information can still be delivered in such short a time. "Less is More" I’ve heard about acting. What we don’t say is what’s really said. You’ve got the gift.
Ochen: The entrance down the road to metaphor, even if only employed as contrast, has certain warning signs. I don’t know what it was, but your voice is quite hypnotic, and the ride down that road was so soft I got easily distracted and lost your map a few times. I don’t know if I want to hear the cat as some suggested (maybe a piano key or two) because the cat doesn’t really exist, it’s a means to tell another story—it’s just a vehicle of juxtaposition/contrast/dreams whathaveyou. The perspective lens of the ‘camera’ zoomed around a lot. Although I hate hearing it, I think "Shorter" might come out of me if asked. Neat music, maybe a little softer.
Susan: Neat. Damn, did it again. Great choice of music and FX. I went along the ride with you, but got lost at some point, don’t know where, that’s the nature of being lost. Is it poetry? Is it analogy, is it fiction? Metaphor? where are we physically and emotionally? I don’t wish to jam a story into a specific hole, but maybe a hint. Now that I listen again, I don’t like the FX all that much, the tension should be in your delivery, not in the soundtrack, that’s what movies do to tell us how we should feel…they don’t have any faith in the audience, but we do. I would love to read this story, it’s well written, but I have to ask you specifically: why should this go from page to sound? Does it read on air as well as it does on paper? Would you rather us read it or hear it?
Ochen and Susan: The best advice I was ever given technically–I would really recommend a "pop filter", look under Transom Tools for specifics or just tear-up some pantihose(I don’t know the spelling and I’m proud of that).
Thank you for your response. I wanted to answer your question about clip # 2. I say: Bands I haven’t seen. Greetings Monika
hi moni, I like your stories. "the songs you like to sing in your car" I like most.
Esp. the last part from Hildegard Knefs song: … ich will alles oder nichts …
many greetings from ulli
I want to mention that we are developing an idea with NPR’s Day-To-Day based on Monika’s pieces. It will be called something like "Short Lists" and will be inaugurated on the air by her work, followed by requests for more such lists which will come through Transom. Pretty soon, we’ll have a page up with details.
that D2D is going with the "short lists" idea. One charming — beguiling? intriguing? — element of the form are the places not only where Monika’s list (or experience) overlaps with that of the listener, but the places where they don’t.
Ich will alles oder nichts?
Jake Warga (Jake Warga, "Three About Me" #13, 16 Sep 2003 1:08 am) said about my sound fx that "the tension should be in your delivery, not in the soundtrack, that’s what movies do to tell us how we should feel…they don’t have any faith in the audience" I’m probably marked indelibly as a neophyte or a crass commerical type by saying I’m absolutely drunk with the power of manipulating an audience through music and sound effects.
On the one hand, you could say it’s not about the audience but about faith in myself to whisper my unadorned words into your ear for an emotional impact. But on the other hand, what is really so intoxicating about this medium is the ability to produce an experience that has layers of components that all work together (even if I’m still trying to master the art).
Susan
what nico song is that in clip #3
its not on any of her albums that i have
Hi Cameron,
I took the song from Nico’s record "Do or Die" (1982).
It’s actually "Heroes" by Bowie/Eno.
Monika
Susan,
please let’s not go labeling ourselves or anybody "indelibly"
Jake was a neophyte -if ever- just a little while ago almost in these very pages.
I like your honesty about being drunk with power…
… I’ll have to listen again. maybe as a listener I liked being drunk without power…?
all good points about radio/audio vs. print, and what’s the best medium for the piece of artful expression. But I think of the AUDIENCE as much as the medium
I like the idea of the public radio audience, whom I ascribe with social awareness and social conscience, getting to hear about thoughts about doing good…
The same audience as Nick Hornby’s novel Doing Good or was it Being Good (Nick Hornby previously wrote High Fidelity) The novel could have been a movie or even a short-lived sit com, but the audience reads…
how dare I think this way?
is anybody gonna let me have it? [or are they hanging out in another medium/]
P.S. [[Hey, Jackson. Whats up? You must have a whole wardrobe of Tshirts by now.]]
Yeah, I really can’t quite grasp piece number one. It has these elements of familiarity to it, in some sort of Platonic-ideal type paradigm.
Around here, "Where are you from" is a really common question. It seems that people define their world-view based upon the location of origin — this is not international, but rather intra-state. It’s a really rural state, which is why it’s quite common that any two people will have a third person in common.
I can imagine people who aren’t from here getting really tired of it. But that’s how we do business. It’s like some old Norse epic. By knowing where people are from, one can know their lineage, and know their background and attitudes, and religion and politics.
If someone told me they were from Leola (a small town in this state), I’d know that they were probably Catholic, probably pretty conservative, most likely pro-life, and had a lot of brothers and sisters.
But anyway, that’s my thoughts.
These are wonderful, inventive pieces. Your writing, voice, delivery and music accompaniment make these solid and insightfull gems. Keep making these lists!
Take care, Dmae
I could hear the music, but I couldn’t hear the self portraits……………Bum, bum,blammer!!!!!!!!
I want to do one Love YA always Sue
Enjoyed those little stories a lot. hope this is not the end of it! Hans Albers…giant ant farm…it’s been a long time!
I’m amazed that Monika knows about the Human Hands! (From her latest list on DtD.)
I remember them as a compelling but very quirky band that I really liked during their brief lifespan in the late 70s or maybe early 80s…
There were plenty of other obscure LA bands in her list, too. I recommend folks look them up. LA was an amazing music town in those days…
Hey Monica!
Good work. Very random, very interesting. I think it would be awesome if you did include cats meowing in the background… haha. I’ve met some Germans last year and it’s such a joy to listen to you guys speak, sounding very calm and measured when you speak english and even more so when you speak deutsch. It’s now one of my favorite languages to listen to even if I don’t understand 99% of it. Hope to hear more of your stuff.
Take care!
trinka
hey ochen,
really awesome work. i like how you simple things beautiful and appreciated. wow!
good work. can’t wait to hear more stuff.
take care!
trinka