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Intro by Jay Allison
Jason Rayles came to Woods Hole and did one of our unpredictable artist residencies at the Atlantic Public Media cottage. He made a piece and then, after talking to everyone around here, he made another. We’re featuring both of them here on Transom and hope they give you something interesting to think about.
Notes from Jason Rayles
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Here’s a bit about the process:
I should say that I made the longer arrangement first. I did log all of the
audio, but I ended up making pretty much all of the editing decisions in Pro
Tools, not on paper. I used the log to help me select my favorite quotes
from Jewel and Tami, and I copied and pasted them sequentially on one track.
That was about 50 minutes of audio with no music and with no commentary. I
then arranged the blocks to form the narrative sequence that I wanted. That
exercise informed the esthetic of the long arrangement b/c I liked the
breaks between speakers, and I liked passing the story back and forth from
Jewel and Tami. Originally, there was proportionally much less of Tami, but
as I started deleting the weaker bits and the redundant bits, Tami came to
take a much more prominent role. Most of the editing decisions came down to
what should be thrown out. Just cut cut cut. Like carving out sculpture from
a rock. My final commentary in the longer arrangement was originally near
the end, just before Jewel’s final speech, but when I played it for the
folks at transom, Chelsea suggested putting it at the beginning. I couldn’t
get that to work, but I think that it really works well moved further up in
the piece. I like handing the story off to Jewel, and letting her walk us out.
The short arrangement was made mostly from feedback that I got from Jay on
the long arrangement. Interestingly, I played the long arrangement for Sandy
Tolan while he was here, and his comments were nearly identical to Jay’s.
Jay thought that the relationship was more about me and Jewel than about
Jimmy and Jewel, and that age was an important theme. Also, when I first
described what I was working on to Jay and Viki, I said, “A woman I had
never met before handed me roses…,” so that’s how I started this
arrangement. I kept the writing as succinct as possible in the middle. I
don’t hand the story back to Jewel; rather, she takes one of the listener’s
hands, I take the other, and we walk the listener down the road, pointing
out different scenes, and in the end, I walk off in one direction, and she
walks off in the other, and the listener stands contemplating these images
and his own thoughts. I was resistant to making a final comment b/c
everything I said felt like I was imposing a weak interpretation on a story
that I think Jewel sums up so beautifully, but Jay pointed out that it was
not for me to summarize or restate what had already been said, but simply
for me to be there and reflect, however obliquely, on what was acting on me.
That freed up my mind quite a bit, and I am happy with my final comment.
I was tired and impatient when I made my mix, and I am grateful to Viki for
pointing out that a lot of my transitions were rushed, so we sat together
and refined some of the edits. Both of the pieces would be much shoddier had
I been working totally alone.
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As for advice, I would say be absolutely sure not to use the limiter on a
da-p1. It just sounds like clipping. I didn’t realize that I was using it
when I gave the interviews, so the meters never went over, but there are
loud parts that I cut b/c they sounded so bad. It ended up being a blessing
in disguise b/c it forced me to shorten the clips of Tami, which made her a
relatively minor character. Also, Alan, the singer, was late for our
recording session, which happened just before choir practice at his church.
I should have recorded the organ while we were waiting for him, but instead
Linda and I sat and talked, so that by the time I got around to recording
them, the choir was filing in, people were shuffling around and rustling
plastic bags, all of which you can hear in the recording. I should have been
more forceful in my direction with them. It was clear to me afterwards that
they were there to perform in whatever manner I wanted, and that plainly and
politely stating what I needed from them does not make me a jerk.
Tech Notes
I recorded Jewel in her carpeted living room using a Sennheiser K6/ME66 mic
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and a Tascam da-p1 DAT recorder. I recorded my aunt in her uncarpeted living
room using the same equipment. I recorded the musicians in their church
using Sonic Studios DSM mics and a Sharp MT821 minidisc recorder. The
voiceover for the longer arrangement was recorded in Jay Allison’s cottage
studio, and the voiceover for the shorter arrangement was recorded by Viki
Merrick at the WCAI/WNAN studio onto a portadat.
About Jason Rayles
I am a computer programmer and book maker living in
Boston. I sold a bicycle to Bob Boilen (director of
NPR’s All Things Considered) several years ago,
and I met Jay Allison after he saw a promotional copy
of my
latest book that I sent to Mr. Boilen. I’ve discovered
that there are many paths to penury, and I’ve lately
decided that making stories for public radio is one
of the most entertaining.
Additional Support for this work provided by
with funding from the
A woman he’d never met gave Jason a rose at his grandfather’s funeral.
In this, his first piece for radio, Jason Rayles tries to find out who the woman was, and a little more about who his grandfather was. Jason made this piece as part of Transom’s unpredictable and occasional artist-in-residence program. Actually, he made two pieces. You decide which one speaks to you and let us know.
One strength about the shorter version, I think, is that you use first-person immediately. Instead of saying a "woman gave roses to your papa’s grandchildren," you say she gave them to you. I am drawn in much more quickly with those words.
I liked hearing Tami’s voice and how she admired Jewel and was happy that Papa was meeting her, but I actually found her unnecessary to the narrative. (Not distracting or problematic, simply unnecessary.) You and Jewel do a fine job of summarizing what people were saying about the relationship. Plus, the clip of Tami kind of giggling about Papa’s car being at Jewel’s house was edited right next to Jewel saying "smart alecks," and that made Jewel seem more angry(?) or irritated than she was in the shorter version.
I did like the longer version’s suggestion that funerals are a place where different stories about a person are laid side by side, but the story in that version seems to be specifically about you and your vision of your grandfather. The shorter piece seems, instead, to use your experience to explore a broader theme, one that invites listeners in to share in feeling "the brevity of time." I find that technique and thesis more compelling.
Your closing remarks about you feeling "all your ages" were lovely — and your bright voice in that section made me able to hear you breathing in deep with the wonder of it. These final comments bridge the age gap between you and Jewel in a wonderful way. Jimmy and Jewel weren’t two old folks just reminiscing about old times — they were looking through that "heart like a telescope" and probably, like you with your bike, couldn’t believe it had been so long ago.
well that was interesting. With all the editing, there are still a lot of "Um’s" which detract I think. I liked the shorter piece better than the longer, he moved some of his commentary which helped. Was unsure whose story it was at times. Was uncertain of the purpose of mentioning Viagra twice (the unopened bottle fit in with the story, but then he brought up that he’d found 3 Viagra and if it was in an unopened bottle, so what? If it was elsewhere, was his point that he did not believe Jewel when she said there was no sex?) The /on-going/ music from the funeral was depressing and seemed out of place in that this was recorded a year after he died (but was apropos in the beginning of the piece).
All in all, this piece would have excited me more as an English teacher than as a listener on the radio. Why should the listener care about this naive boy who wrote it? Why should they care about his grandfather?
We only listened to the long version and I loved it! (for those who don’t know I’m the daughter Tami. Soooooooo, my view is probably more than a little biased.) I loved hearing Jewel’s voice and her thoughts on their relationship and the idea that they spent most of their time talking about the old days. It was daddy’s favorite thing to do!
I also really liked Jason’s discussion of what he thought he would find out about daddy and what he, in the end, thinks he found out. I guess I like and believe that it was a wonderful and joy-filled relationship for the two of them but I guess, I too, am glad I don’t have to rewrite in my mind the images of my dad with Jewel.
Thanks for investigating and writing the story. Of course, I know all the places Jewel talked about that they went on their drives and can imagine all the fun they had. I also can imagine that she misses him. He was very lonely before she came back to town and it’s hard growing old and losing your friends and not having someone to hang out with.
Tami’s husband Frank tosses in his two cents:
Faith asks the question as to why someone should care about the "naive" boy who wrote this piece or his grandfather. What is it that makes Jason "naive"? Is it that Jason found it hard to envision his grandfather having sex with a woman other than his grandmother at the age of 81? I don’t know what Faith’s life experiences have been, but it seems to me that such behavior (not having sex outside of marriage) is probably not atypical for people of Jason’s grandfather’s generation. Who should care? Well, if people have no interest in other people’s lives, I guess they shouldn’t care. But this story has far more interest to me than the typical Public Radio blather about lesbian fish farmers from Outer Mongolia or some other such tripe. Anyway, for us simple minded rubes from Crawford County, Indiana, it was pretty hot stuff.
listened to short version only…can’t imagine that it needs to be longer. liked the piece…more a snapshot than a film, quiet rather flashy…quite nice for a first try (quite nice for a 17th try)…keep on working on radio…if you can write, you’ve got a big chunk of the radio thing licked…
I only listened to the long version… it rocked.. and it never felt like it was going on for too long either..
I also really liked the bit where you ended up getting a piece that was not what you expected!
In the piece you are very gentlemanly about this..
and that’s a good thing,
but just before the bit where you admit that you are ok with things turning out the way they did I found myself wanting to hear more about the story you originally wanted to uncover, and why you wanted it to be THAT story.
and sure that would have made the piece even longer! but I guess I like longer pieces..
great work!
ps
your book is pretty amazing too
Hi Jason,
I thought the piece was wonderful. I found it adeptly woven together, telling Jewel’s side of the story, giving outside perspectives for breadth, and then augmenting those elements with revelations from your own vantage.
Great work; thanks for the heads up.
Brian
dirtpress.com
I am happy that the folks who listened only to the shorter version did not want it longer — did not think that it was missing any elements, and I am glad that those who listened to the long version only did not find it overly-long or exhausting.
bw – You might be right that I should have gone into greater detail about what I had hoped to find. I now know that what I REALLY wanted was to find that papa was not depressingly lonely at the end of his life. I was happy to find that. I thought that I was going to find all the sweet actions of a burgeoning love, kisses and everything, and maybe I thought it would be enlightening to discover (as much as Jewel might have been willing to reveal) how age tempers such a thing vs. what remains untempered and fragile at any age.
faith – I agree that the second mention of Viagra perhaps is without meaning if I have already agreed that their relationship was not sexual. I actually considered several times taking it out of the story, but I think I fell in love with my own joke ("which was three"), perhaps to the detriment of the whole. I would be interested in others’ take on this point.
camille – I hadn’t even noticed that my opening statement that Jewel handed ME a rose was indicative of the piece as a whole. I do know that I resisted putting too much of myself in the longer arrangement, and the shorter arrangement is intentionally about me and Jewel and how this story affected me. The smart alecks remark that you mention is something that I agonized over b/c I didn’t want the listener (or Tami) to think that Jewel was saying that about Tami. In my first edit, it was clearer that Jewel was not referring to Tami, but I tried lots of cuts in the interest of pacing/length until I came up with this one, which I thought was a good balance of brevity and buffer. Perhaps I cut too close.
Jason,
Congratulations on your excellent work. I listened to the long version only. As with others, did not find it overly long as I did not lose interest in the telling.
Very cinematic.
At times a bit morose, particularly the music, and occassionally the voiceover. Though death and feelings of loss are clearly central to the story, I tended to hear the story more as a story about life and living, and the ways we find happiness and continue to surprise ourselves and our loved ones. But maybe that’s another story.
Wishing Transom and its supporters much success.
Brian
Jason -
This is a wonderful story. Reading the responses about the length is very educational – so in choosing – I like the longer version. I am comforted by Tamis words. The issue of age is presented beautifully. Jewels voice is so expressive – how it drifts in and out of the present moment and the past. I love the visual of them cruising around in that car – Their friendship was a precious, late in life gift to each other – simple, pure and romantic.
Hmmmm. I’d like to see a further edited version of this piece that combines the long and the short version. While I think that the short version tells the story more clearly–we know all the players sooner, and their relationships are better explained–I missed hearing Tami’s take on the story in the short version. I think her words add an element of community to the piece that gives the listener a sense of what a small town feels like. People do have stories to tell about one another in small towns that are very intimate and gossipy but not necessarily negative. I think that the loving way people poke fun at each other and tell stories about one another in small towns is indicative of how well they know one another. At least, that is my experience with the way people interact in English, Indiana.
I also missed the extended version of why Jewel feels lonely these days in the short version. I think the idea of older people in small towns with fewer and fewer friends and less and less ability to get out is very poignant, especially in light of Jewel’s recent renewal of friendship with Jimmy. That loss of that companionship and the difficulty in finding new companionship is heartbreaking.
I loved the ending of the shorter version, however. I do think this piece is about the passage of time and how growing older makes time feel more and more immediate. Since this piece is written by a grandson trying to understand his grandfather better, I think the pesonalized summary is appropriate. One understands how short the grandfather’s life was; on understands how short the grandson’s life will be. Actually, I can’t describe this phenomenon as well as Jason does. The word "telescoping" does the best justice to the idea that one has a better grasp of time as one ages, but one does not feel old, per se.
I also don’t mind the "funeral" music throughout the piece because I understand that the motivation of this piece, seen through the eyes of a grandson, is like a memorial to Papa and a kind of "Taps" to life.
I liked both of these pieces a lot. Good editing and voice. Great material. But you’ve asked for critical feedback. So here it is:
Short Version:
I listened to this one first. All the small parts are so sweet. But I wasn’t always quite sure where it was going.
I wanted to be pulled along, drawn in, excited to hear these heartfelt fragments slowly woven together into a larger cohesive whole. But it doesn’t quite happen.
The short editorial part from "…I feel all my ages …" to "…and that was a bike!" is just great. But it doesn’t exactly fit into the flow of this edit. You should either include a lot more in this vein, or none at all. I’d vote for more!
And the music at the end is just perfect. When the singing starts it’s as if I’d been waiting for it all along and not even known.
Long Version
The parts really come together much better in the long version. There’s a bit of a detective story as people are introduced, stories are told, and evidence is weighed. I knew the story already this time. But I was drawn in anyway – eager to hear what would happen next. It made me listen carefully and savor what I heard.
This version keeps up that kind of tension until a little more than halfway through. After the part "so I would end up leaving her house kind of disappointed", I wondered much more there could be to say. And while there was still some great stuff to follow, I felt much of the focus was gone.
Hi Jason,
First, let me say that I love this story, and the discovery that you lead us through. I listened to the short version first, then the long version.
I prefer the short version because the story feels less cluttered, and subtle. It has a direction that it’s taking the listener, yet isn’t directive. Towards the beginning of the short piece, I noticed that the organ went on for what felt like a long time – or it wasn’t backgrounded enough for me not to notice it.
I do like the music though. It anchors the story in a visceral way. The most powerful points for me were the silences in the interview with Jewel. You don’t get those too often in radio, and I’m glad you kept them. Overall, I feel that the short piece is simple, elegant and a lovely story. Sound quality is really good too.
After hearing the short piece, I felt the long piece was weighted down with too much information and detail. I’m impressed that you were able to edit it down so much.
Thanks for sharing this story with the world!
Megan Hurst
I had tech difficulties with the shorter version so I only listened to the long.
Great tape. The candor in which Jewel speaks is stark and somber, very natural (the “umms” and pauses worked well I thought and should stay in). Just her words without a music bed made the audience bring more incentive to the listening process. I felt more necessary in the dialogue because of that . . . if that makes any sense to you. I liked your narration, it, for the most part, aptly described your own presence in the story in a literary way not often done well on radio.
As far as criticism. I had problems locating myself in the beginning as far as characters and setting and all that. Perhaps bringing Jewels life story closer to the front might help; or maybe adding more of what the people at the VA thought of Jimmy, just to add more of a traditional narration to the story.
I thought the tape when Jewel talks about how much she misses Jimmy (more than her husband) was very moving. Not only did you capture her own humanity succinctly, but her own humanity as it shifts from one foot to the other. It is so rare for people to hear such things that I wish you had framed it a little tighter. What if you built the story up to that point with more focus on the sexual vs. plutonic relationship, to a point at which that same tape forces the audience to better realize that the variety of relationship didn’t really matter, for Jewel it was an important relationship. I thought that’s what you’re trying to do, but I’m not altogether sure and the point wasn’t driven through my skull.
If I could ask a question: As you were editing, did you have more of a portrait in mind or a narrative? Did you accomplish what you wanted?
Altogether it was very good and inspiring. Thanks for posting it!
Having read a lot of Transom discussions — well, all of them — this one seems notable for the number of postings that seem comfortable with constructive critique. I wonder… is this the long/short thing? Did that suggest something in-process, so that people felt more comfortable in tossing ideas?
Online conversation is a tricky form. Transom is successful because there are not a lot of garbage postings. On the other hand, it’s sometimes a little soft and furry. Discussion participation is much less than the listening numbers. We’re always interested in building better conversations. Lots of new people are posting thoughtfully here and we’ll be sending out some t-shirts. Thanks.
Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to listen to the stories. Especially thank you to the ones who have also taken the time to post responses here; I know that it takes a lot of time and energy to do such a thing. Here are a few quick responses to some of the ideas presented in the discussion:
Brian – I think that the story of life and living comes through more clearly in the shorter version, and your comment is one that I have heard in several personal emails about the longer piece. As for the music, I don’t intend for it to come across as morose; I wanted for it to come across as a *little* morose and a *little* jokey. Funereal, sure, but my intention was to elicit a smile with the bouncy bit right after "boyfriend" and Amazing Grace under the mention of Viagra. Perhaps I overthought it. I do intend pure emotion at the end, but I think of it as a mixed bag, as death is: worthy of every comment and emotion, but every comment and emotion comes up short. Death is not happy or sad — death is only inevitable. Also, I think that authorial intent is completely irrelevant; the listener’s interpretation is the thing.
Millicent – Yes. Yes yes yes yes.
Whitney – I think that your comment on small town gossip is perfect. Also, your statement about how short the grandson’s life will be is beautiful and poignant and true. Ugh. I think that if I do have reason to come back to the story, to do another edit, it would probably be something like what you have described. I would probaby keep the characters and the pacing of the longer piece, but I would probably use commentary more like the shorter piece. I’d probably use the ending from the shorter. I wonder about the beginning. I really like the beginning of the longer arrangement, with Jewel talking, but I wonder if it’s too confusing to keep track of the characters and if so how I would resolve that.
Andy – Wow. I think that maybe a third edit, similar to what I have described above would resolve some of the issues that you raise. Perhaps changing my commentary in the longer piece is the way I would keep up the tension through the end; any sugguestions on how to keep the tension/interest high are welcome. My intention was to take the reader right up to the end of the story early on, but to leave just enough of the punchline unknown that the listener would NEED to stick around. Perhaps I reveal too much too early. The final comment in the shorter version was meant to surprise but ultimately to feel relevant. Sounds like you see too clearly the mechanics of my storytelling. If I do another edit, then I’ll try to make the wires harder to see, so you can just concentrate on the objects flying across the stage.
Megan – I think you might be right about the length/volume of the first bit of music in the shorter piece. In my defense, I deferred to Jay’s opinion on nearly all of the edits in the shorter piece (which I quite like), including that one, and in his defense, Jay heard an early draft of the shorter arrangement and didn’t go over the final mix with me. So, Jay, if you’re out there, what do you think? I never got a final comment from you on how I handled the shorter piece.
CM – Yeah, difficulty locating the characters & such at the beginning of the longer piece seems to be a fairly consistent criticism. As for narrative v portrait, I would have to go w/ narrative. If it’s a portrait, I don’t know who the subject would be. I think originally I would’ve said that I was working on a portrait of my grandfather, but after doing the interviews and through the editing process, that didn’t work. I have a better portrait of him, personally, I think, but that’s a result of the story that I tell and is not something that the listener gets from the narrative. I think that as soon as I started editing, my focus was on telling the story of how I went looking for something and didn’t find it (a passionate love story), but I found something else that was sweet (late in life gift from two old friends to each other, as Millicent said). I think that the sweet thing that I found is a kind of love story that I would not have imagined at my age, had I not found it here. I feel like I was successful in relating that story to a degree in both versions.
I’m not sure anyone has addressed this yet but I was really impressed with the way you left so much space when jewel was speaking. I feel that it’s often easy to snip out longer pauses to speed things up a bit. That dead air between her words and sentences where you can maybe just berely hear her breathe was one the most pleasurable parts of this story for me. It also reflected on you as an character- it makes us feel that you are really listening to her.
nice work
Jason,
Way to spin a yarn. I also think the audio fidelity is first rate. Nice equipment choice.
This is a wonderful rumination. It shows that some of the most interesting pieces of history can be contained right within our own family. I look forward to hearing more from you in the future.
I too noticed and appreciated the pauses, particularly where jewel was talking about the loss of her husband and her feelings for Jimmy. As jewel got quieter the listener had to lean in and listen more intently too, as you would if you were actually there with her, and you got a real sense of her loss.
Both these pieces were lovely Jason, heartfelt and lovely, so thanks
H
Jason, I only listened to the long,and in three words, I loved it! Great work.